One of the many ways Bridget and I differ is in the fact that she “will always be a little bit fat” and I flat out refuse to put on weight. People often say to me, “you’re so lucky to be slim” and I want to bitch slap the mofos. If they knew what I went through to be so bloody “lucky”, they really wouldn’t say that. So here’s a little taste:

Going to the gym is a bore. I hate it. The posers; the fat people who stand around chatting thinking that just being in a gym will make them slim and the packs of geezers who watch each other lifting weights and making man noises wind me up. None of this stops me from going though but I probably don’t go as often as I should. If I can’t gather the strength to face this ordeal then I go running instead. I don’t enjoy this either.

The thing with running is that it’s never fun, it’s painful and the weather is often against you. It also happens to be such an effective way to burn calories that it almost feels like a cheat. It’s also free and all you need is a pair of trainers and a good sports bra. Unless you have a serious medical condition then there is absolutely no excuse to not do it. People say they can’t run. They need to stop talking shit. Of course they can run. If a group of hooligans starting running up the road towards them sporting machetes, they’d bloody well run.

When I first got on a running machine, I could run for a grand total of two minutes before I had to stop. Going running doesn’t mean that you absolutely have to run for every step. Starting off, you could walk 90% of the route and just run a little bit more every time. Even after all this time, I’ve only just managed to run all of my usual running route and only run about two thirds of the way when I run from my parents’ house. As long as you improve a bit each time, it’s all good.

If you do it for long enough, running stops being that unpleasant. I wouldn’t say that I love doing it now, but it always makes me feel better if I’m in a shitty mood. My mantra for exercise is ‘excuses won’t make me thin’. It’s not fun but it works.

This is one of the places I had to stop on my Essex route.

This is one of the places I had to stop on my Essex route.

Walking along coz I couldn't run anymore.

Walking along coz I couldn’t run anymore.

Place where I had to stop on my Hove run.

Place where I had to stop on my Hove run.

Walking on my Brighton walk too.

Walking on my Brighton walk too.

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